Don’t Call Me “Xiaojie.” (Beginner)

How should I address Chinese young women?

Test-tube baby Charlotte Holmes as the UK’s Miss World representative has been drawing attention to the 2012 Miss World contest. Over a hundred young ladies will compete for the crown in Ordos, China, all of them between eighteen to twenty-five years old – hence the term “Miss.”

Times are a-changin’, and terms of address like “Sir” and “Ma’am” are now falling by the wayside, and considered old-fashioned. Somehow, though, “Miss” has survived and can still be heard in most English speaking countries when addressing a young woman.

In China, however, the word “小姐 (xiǎojiě) Miss” is controversial. Many expats in China will walk away dumbfounded after their first experience of hearing a waitress or female friend angrily say, “Don’t call me Xiaojie!”

The problem lies in China’s size. Different regions have very different slang (Learn “to be reliable! in Chinese slang), and in many parts of China (although not all), “Xiaojie” has taken on a negative and even seedy meaning. Nowadays it is usually used in bars and pubs rather than in daily life. If you have to use “Xiaojie,” always try to use the woman’s last name (Get a Chinese name for yourself!) as well; for example, 李小姐 (Lǐ xiǎojiě) Miss Li.

An even better option is to use “美女 (měinǚ) beauty/beautiful” to address a young woman. This term might sound odd to foreigners’ ears, but girls in China will happily accept it as flattery. At official occasions, you can use the word “女士 (nǚshì) Ms./lady.” (Learn more Chinese Business Etiquette with our native Chinese teacher!)

So even though the word “小姐 (xiǎojiě) Miss” is used by many native speakers, until you have a good grasp of the slang in your region, remember the old saying: better safe than sorry.


Mike: Měinǚ, máfan wèn xià zhège duōshao qián?
Mike: 美女,麻烦问下这个多少钱?
Mike: Hey beautiful, how much for this?

Tina: Yì bǎi wǔ.
Tina: 一百五。
Tina: 150 Yuan.

Eric: Měinǚ, hái jì de wǒ ma?
Eric: 美女,还记得我吗?
Eric: Hello beautiful, remember me?

Jen: Yuánlái shì lǎo tóngxué a.
Jen: 原来是老同学啊。
Jen: Hey, my old school mate.

Nǚshìmen, xiānshengmen, huānyíng dàjiā cānjiā zhècì de yànhuì.
女士们, 先生们,欢迎大家参加这次的宴会。
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome and we appreciate your attendance at this banquet.


Choose the best answers to fill in the blanks.
1. When you want to address a girl in Chinese, you’d better not call her _____.
A. 小姐 (xiǎojiě) Miss
B. 女士 (nǚshì) Ms.
C. 美女 (měinǚ) beauty
2. Xiànzài yǒu qǐng Liú ____ shàngtái jiǎnghuà.
现在有请刘 ___ 上台讲话。
Now, let’s welcome Ms. Liu to give a speech.

A. 小姐
B. 女士
C. 美女
Answers to the practice questions: 1. A       2. B

Learn More Chinese Etiquette here:
How Should I Address Chinese Young Men?How to Ask Someone Their Age in Chinese?
General Chinese (Beginner Level)
General Chinese (Intermediate Level)

17 thoughts on “Don’t Call Me “Xiaojie.” (Beginner)”

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  9. 美女 sounds hideously inappropriate, a girl should be offended if a stranger says that to them out of the blue, not complemented. I will stick to 女士.

    1. jennifer.zhu

      Hi Frankie! This term “美女” might sound odd to foreigners’ ears, and some girls may feel offended if a stranger say that to them. But most of the time, girls in China will happily accept it as flattery.

  10. To address a girl or a woman “nv shi(女士)” is ok.”女士“is formal;and adessing a girl”xiaojie(小姐)” politely is ok too.In antient China,Servants addressing their young unmarried mistress “xiaojie”

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  12. Don’t you think it is a good address? What will you address a girl that you don’t know each other?

  13. Instead of skating around it, you should probably just come out and tell people “xiaojie” is often used for prostitutes.

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